Who needs the Lombardi Trophy when you could see what your favorite NFL players look like covered in neon green slime? Children’s entertainment giant Nickelodeon will seek to answer this question on Jan. 10 by offering a kid-focused broadcast of a Wild Card playoff game.
This includes special visual filters, appearances from Nickelodeon stars like Gabrielle Neveah Green and Lex Lumpkin (I checked and they are both real people), and a halftime preview of a new show featuring America’s favorite pineapple-dweller. Kamp Koral: Spongebob’s Under Years will focus on SB as a youngster, guaranteeing all sorts of wacky hijinks. Hopefully we’ll finally get to see Squidward’s years-long slide into crippling depression! Plus, the game will feature commentary from ex-Vikings receiver Nate Burleson and nepotism all-star Noah Eagle.
— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) December 15, 2020
It will simulcast on CBS, for anyone totally against this concept. CBS historically airs AFC games, so the Green Bay Packers — currently the NFC’s No. 1 seed — is a doubly unlikely participant in this childish game. But let’s just have some fun with this, OK?
As someone who played organized football for way longer than I wanted, I can tell you it is a joyless game that robs all players of self-expression. The fact that a technicolor smile factory like Nickelodeon is jumping in is weirdly encouraging. If the Packers beat their hated rivals the Chicago Bears this Sunday afternoon, the team earns a bye and avoids the wild-card round altogether. But maybe the Nick treatment wouldn’t be so bad?
Just look at this mock-up of Davante Adams with Spongebob’s eyes and try not to let feelings of adolescent joy creep up on you. I’d go as far as to say it’s the first time the NFL has been legitimately fun since Joe Horn pulled his cell phone out of the goalpost.
— Ken Fang — Wear a mask and Stay home! (@fangsbites) December 15, 2020