{"id":17632,"date":"2019-12-18T11:01:23","date_gmt":"2019-12-18T17:01:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thebozho.com\/?p=17632"},"modified":"2020-01-06T13:53:22","modified_gmt":"2020-01-06T19:53:22","slug":"madison-thrifting-holiday-edition-december-2019","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thebozho.com\/madison-thrifting-holiday-edition-december-2019\/","title":{"rendered":"Let\u2019s go thrifting: A very special holiday edition"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thrift stores are a great representation of the human id. They\u2019re chaotic, kitschy and filled with things that straddle the line between \u201ctrash\u201d and \u201ctreasure.\u201d For this monthly feature, we will head out to Madison-area shops in search of both.<\/em><\/span>\n

Location: <\/strong>Goodwill, 4530 Verona Rd., Madison
\nDate: <\/strong>Dec. 11, 2019<\/p>\n

For this go-round, I wanted to step outside of my north and east side bubble and decided to hit up the Goodwill on Verona Road<\/a> after visiting Garth\u2019s Brew Bar<\/a>. And since it\u2019s the holiday season, I wanted to make this A Very Special Edition of Let\u2019s Go Thrifting. Thankfully this Goodwill had a fantastic selection \u2014 and a pleasing soundtrack I can only describe as \u201cChristmas trip-hop\u201d \u2014 so there\u2019s no shortage of non-denominational wintertime cheer to deliver.<\/span>\n

Green Bay Packers \u201cnutcracker\u201d<\/h2>\n

The little dude pictured above is designed to look like a nutcracker, but he doesn\u2019t even crack nuts. Beyond that, his one purpose is to count down the days until Christmas \u2014 but his little number blocks are missing! He is rudderless, adrift in an uncaring world. But at least he can take solace in the fact that the Packers have already clinched a playoff berth.<\/p>\n

Price: $5.99<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"'The<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\u2018The Last Elegant Bear\u2019<\/h2>\n

If you thought this would be a continuation of Dennis Kyle\u2019s 1983 children\u2019s book<\/a>, you\u2019d be sort of right. The ornament does feature the titular character (whose name is \u201cAbiner Smoothie\u201d) on the cover, but the interior is blank. I take that as an invitation to write a little holiday-themed fan fiction about my<\/em> favorite fancy forest-dweller: Humphrey, the Bear Who Fucks<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Price: 99\u00a2<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"Dead-eyed<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

Dead-eyed holiday children<\/h2>\n

Nope. No, no, no. I believe these are supposed to be nativity figurines, created by someone who wants baby Jesus\u2019 first moments to be filled with horror. It\u2019s the only explanation I can offer for their lifeless, glassy eyes. That said, there is some legitimately fucked up stuff in The Bible. The Old Testament may as well have been written by David Lynch.<\/p>\n

Price: $1.99 each<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"Genuine<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

Genuine Swedish carousel chimes<\/h2>\n

If Sweden\u2019s chimes are as good as their fish-shaped candies, this is an absolute must-buy. (As long as they are easier to put together than Sweden\u2019s furniture.)<\/p>\n

Price: $2.99<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"Noel,<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

Noel, the Tenth Reindeer<\/h2>\n

This shredder\u2019s batteries were missing, so unfortunately I can\u2019t tell you what song it\u2019s supposed to play. But I have an idea: Meet Noel, Santa\u2019s tenth reindeer. He was kicked out of the North Pole because he wouldn\u2019t stop playing \u201cWonderwall\u201d at parties. Let\u2019s hope the man in red has a change of heart and gives Noel some new chords (and batteries) for Christmas.<\/p>\n

Price: $1.99<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"Kinky<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

This weird stocking<\/h2>\n

I don\u2019t even know what to say here, other than it makes me think about Annie\u2019s \u201cTeach Me How to Understand Christmas<\/a>\u201d song from season three of Community<\/em>. Boop-y, doop-y, boop doop… SEX.<\/p>\n

Price: $1.99<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"'Game<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\u2018Game of Thrones\u2019 ugly sweater<\/h2>\n

Why any self-respecting fan would want<\/em> to remember the last season of Game of Thrones<\/em> is beyond me. But I suppose the gaping plot holes and amateurish writing of the HBO series\u2019 final six episodes add to the ugliness of this very ugly holiday sweater.<\/p>\n

Price: $20<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>I would be remiss if I didn\u2019t also look at this Goodwill\u2019s selection of non-holiday stuff, so here are a few of the all-season highlights:<\/span>\n

\"Mohawk<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

Mohawk Man bobblehead<\/h2>\n

I always thought it was cool that the Madison Mallards made a bobblehead of a regular guy who worked at the park as a vendor. That\u2019s some punk rock shit right there. And speaking of, Mohawk Man\u2019s signature \u2019do makes this figurine\u2019s head bobble even harder than one with a normal haircut. You can\u2019t pass up that extra bobble.<\/p>\n

Price: $4.99<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"Cat<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

Cat Nut<\/h2>\n

What even is this? Who is Cat Nut for? Why does Cat Nut exist? Is Cat Nut even real? Is anything real? I\u2019ve been asking myself these questions ever since I made the decision to buy Cat Nut. Sorry, folks. This existential quandary is mine to figure out.<\/p>\n

Price: Make me an offer<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/span>\n

\"PowerPuff<\/p>\n<\/span>\n

PowerPuff Girls skirt<\/h2>\n

Unless you\u2019re Gwen Stefani circa 2004, this would be a tough look to pull off. But if you think you can rock this, then you do you. Don\u2019t let me tell you how to dress. I\u2019m wearing Iron Man pajama pants as I write this, so I am clearly<\/em> not the arbiter of taste.<\/p>\n

Price: $5.99<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thrift stores are a great representation of the human id. They\u2019re chaotic, kitschy and filled with things that straddle the line between \u201ctrash\u201d and \u201ctreasure.\u201d For this monthly feature, we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":17638,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5155],"tags":[7019,19,10577,10574,10575,11422],"yoast_head":"\nLet\u2019s go thrifting: A very special holiday edition, 2019 - The Bozho<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Thrift stores are a great representation of the human id. 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