Do aphrodisiacs work? Probably not. There may be scientific studies on the effects of popular aphrodisiacs, but looking those up would probably take the fun out of it. Maybe if you keep telling yourself — or your significant other — that this raw oyster will make you want to bone, it’ll just happen, because the mind is more powerful than supposed love chemicals anyway. So even if it’s purely psychosomatic, it’s worth a shot. Here’s where to get your fill of aphrodisiacs in Madison.
Oysters:
Tempest Oyster Bar
It’s got oyster in the name, so Tempest Oyster Bar is probably already full of people slurping down oysters and hoping to slurp on something else. This is Valentine’s Day, so go for the gusto and grab a tower of seafood. Or if you’re averse to raw oysters, there’s always fried oysters and oysters rockefeller, though no word on if cooked oysters have the same effect as raw.
Chiles:
Lao Laan-Xang
It’s hard to beat Southeast Asian cuisines in the heat department, and Lao Laan-Xang on Willy Street can make food hot enough to make you sweat. The difficulty might be convincing the wait staff that yes, you do want your larp and thom som to be “native Lao” spicy, but if you do, it’s totally worth it. Does it heat up your loins as much as your mouth? Ask your Tinder date.
Chocolate:
Any chocolate shop
Madison has it made in the chocolate department, with plenty of quality chocolatiers all around the city. Surprising someone with a box of chocolates is never a bad idea around Valentine’s Day, even if it’s cliché (you reading this, boyfriend?). Head to Chocolaterian for a badger bait bar or a ridiculously pretty chocolate caramel cashew tart. Gail Ambrosius has a more traditional chocolate case filled with truffles, some of which pack a double punch of aphrodisiacs like fig or cayenne. And if you’re on the west side of town, hit up Infusion for a box of shiny, colorful heart-shaped truffles.
Figs:
Salvatore’s Tomato Pies
If you ask me, pizza of any sort is already an aphrodisiac. Top it with figs, with their fleshy pink insides supposedly looking like some other pink insides to ancient Greeks, and you’ve got a recipe for love. The fig and bacon pizza at Salvatore’s is topped with wine poached figs, gorgonzola, balsamic red wine reduction and bacon. Everything about that sounds like a recipe for baby-makin’ success, if that’s your goal.
Bananas:
La Michoacana
Bananas are an aphrodisiac because at some point a 13-year-old boy pointed out that they look like phalluses. At least that’s what I assume happened. So after that meal of oysters and fig pizza, head to La Michoacana for one of many banana desserts. They’ve got creamy banana paletas and banana splits topped with their homemade ice cream. For maximum aphrodisiac comedy, though, I suggest you suck on the chocobanana, a chocolate-dipped frozen banana-on-a-stick.
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