Ah, summer. It’s the time of year when that sickly sweet smell of true love rushes through everyone’s nostrils as they try to find a polite way to decline their seventh wedding invitation of the month. The latest one, however, might require more than a trip to Target and the purchase of a Panini maker.
A Madison-area couple anonymously posted on Craigslist earlier this week in an effort to find a cheapo cameraperson to make a visual record of their most historic and momentous union. The listing starts off normally enough; they say they want someone to document the entire day. Not too unreasonable a request, right? Wrong, actually, because everything goes off the rails pretty quickly after that. The couple wants this person to stay for the whole shebang, quite literally. They really should have emphasized the all day aspect of this particular gig.
These weird virgin exhibitionists — a phrase no one should ever get to (or have to) say — want some poor sap to take pictures of the most awkward sex imaginable.
Against all odds, the two lovebirds have managed to fend off the constant barrage of sexy, sexy Madisonians and have saved themselves for their one true love, which is luckily each other. A hearty congratulation is in order for that particular Xbox Live Achievement.
“Do you take this man/woman to be yours?”
“Yes, and I’ll have the documentation to prove it tomorrow!”
What should be an experience best reserved for two fumbling teenagers in the back of someone’s mom’s Buick who will never forget that terrible, terrible night will now become a subject of uncomfortable discussion and reflection in future marriage counseling sessions or family barbeques, depending on where these wonderfully “tasteful” photographs wind up being displayed. I would hate to be the visiting family member who unwittingly opens the “Wedding Day” scrapbook.
At least Craigslist still stands as a bastion in this messed up time we live in where people can feel safe enough to ask for their true desires. Maybe I should post on there asking if anyone can love me. I’ll totally pay.